Stephen “tWitch’ Boss’ mom, Connie Boss Alexander, is opening up for the first time about her son’s untimely passing. In an exclusive interview with PEOPLE, Alexander admits she still picks up her phone to text her late son.

“Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday, and then other times it feels like it’s been so long since I’ve seen him,” she said.

Boss was a beloved dancer, father of three, and Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ and executive producer when he tragically took his life. His mother struggles with his suicide but has found comfort in her memories and belief they will reunite again.

“When I think about him, I try not to dwell on how he left this earth,” Alexander shared. “This is not totally the end. That is where my peace comes from.”

Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss Was Always Smiling

Alexander says her son was “always smiling, always willing to try new things” as a kid.

“If I had on music, he was dancing. He was the only male on his dance team in high school,” Alexander said.

She added that Boss didn’t care “that kids might be whispering.”

Alexander was 18 when she had Boss, and they grew closer when he transitioned to fatherhood.

“As an adult, I think he really was able to see and appreciate some of the challenges I had as a young parent,” she explained. “And we talked about those things. I’m the classic boy mom, very protective. If we weren’t talking every day, we were texting. He was my heart.”

Shortly after her son’s death, Alexander constantly juggled with the reality of what happened.

“You find yourself in a lot of introspection, a lot of looking back. Did I miss something? Did he mean something when he said this? It was just very, very shocking,” she said. “I don’t know when or if I’ll ever accept it. At this point, I’m in realization, I guess. When I wake up in the morning, it does hit me that, oh my God, he really is not physically here. But then, in my head, I can hear him say, ‘Hey, Mom. I’m okay.'”

Alexander adds that she wants the world to remember her son as “love.”

“Some days are better than others,” she adds. “It’s funny when you look at your child as an adult. With certain mannerisms, I see the little baby and then a toddler, and I’m chasing him down the hallway, him looking back at me and laughing. And in high school, I see him crossing the stage and turning back, and waving. I see it all now.”

If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

Stephen 'twitch' boss