When it comes to sexual intimacy, communication takes center stage. That includes understanding your own and your partner’s unique intimacy languages. Like love languages, intimacy languages provide insight into how individuals express and experience physical intimacy.
According to Sexologist Brittany Briscoe, there are five intimacy languages.
- Fun: this person loves being spontaneous. They don’t mind switching up locations and being creative from foreplay down to the act.
- Desire: This person gains pleasure from being desired and wanted. They love being pursued.
- Pleasure: This person likes to know the ins and outs of how to please their partner. They enjoy exploring their partner’s body to ensure top-notch pleasure.
- Patience: This person enjoys taking it slow and taking their time starting with foreplay. They enjoy things like massages, mirror work, and pleasure mapping.
- Acceptance/Celebration: This person enjoys being valued. They like acceptance and celebration of their existence.
“I always say to [my] clients, open communication is key. You must trust your partner and be secure that they always have your best interest [in mind]. You have to be comfortable enough with your partner to try new things, to have fun, and to allow them to explore and please you,” Briscoe said.
Briscoe is an American Board Certified Sexologist located in Lexington, KY. She got into this industry because it felt like society, especially the Black community, made sex seem “taboo.” Briscoe believes people should embrace sex and be properly educated on the topic. In addition to helping clients, she hosts events for the community exploring human sexuality.
The Intimacy Languages Explained
Fun
The intimacy language “fun” centers on infusing a sense of playfulness and light-heartedness into the bedroom. Briscoe shared that you must be open to laughing at yourself in the bedroom if things don’t go as planned.
“For the ‘fun’ language, you must be open and trust your partner because this language is more exploratory. Things will happen, and you’ll have to be able to laugh at yourself if something doesn’t exactly go right,” she said.
She also recommended being open with your partner and being able to have conversations, including hard ones. Therefore, check-ins help this intimacy language thrive.
Desire
Individuals who resonate with the “desire” intimacy language prioritize cultivating a strong sense of yearning and anticipation in their intimate relationships. In this language, desire becomes a central element, creating a magnetic pull that enhances intimacy between partners.
“For a person with ‘desire,’ they want to be chased. The act of their partner or them planning sexual time with them makes them really want their partner. It heightens intimacy, I think, because who doesn’t want to be desired? Who doesn’t want their partner to do special things to show them that they want them and want to please them?” Briscoe said.
Pleasure
The “pleasure” intimacy language revolves around prioritizing and amplifying the physical sensations of pleasure during intimate encounters. This language places a premium on open communication about desires and preferences to ensure that both partners experience maximum satisfaction.
“For mutual enhancements of pleasure, I would suggest first massages. They are perfect not only to touch your partner and make them feel good but also a great way to explore their body,” Briscoe said.
She also suggests couple’s share the act of self pleasure.
“Pleasure mapping or self-pleasure exercises are another fun way to go because you can divide the body into sections and please each section to figure out what your partner likes,” she explained. “Pleasure and fun go hand in hand. Both languages require you to try something fun and new to keep the pleasure going.
Patience
With patience, the emphasis is on a deliberate and unhurried approach to intimacy. Taking time to savor the journey becomes crucial, allowing for a gradual build-up of connection and arousal. This language encourages partners to be present in the moment, fostering a deeper and more patient understanding of each other’s needs.
“Open communication is also vital here. Whether it be communicating beforehand what it is you want or during foreplay and sex as your partner takes their time exploring your body and what it is you like or dislike,” Briscoe said.
Acceptance/Celebration
The “Acceptance/Celebration” sex language revolves around embracing and celebrating each other’s bodies, desires, and unique qualities. This language creates a positive and affirming environment where love and acceptance for oneself and one’s partner are expressed openly.
“Providing your partner with affirming communication and security is very important. Make sure they feel valued as a person, not just sexually, and celebrated within that value of who they are and what they mean to you!” the sexologist shared.