Black women are all too familiar with the microaggressions that are synonymous with the predominately white spaces, including the workplace. It can look like put-downs, insults, or belittling or bullying behavior.
In a recent viral TikTok video, creator White Woman Whisperer, posed a sub-question in response to the viral man versus bear question. She asked, “Black women, you are alone in a conference room. Who do you want to walk in – a white man or a white woman?” The overwhelming response was a white man. Of course, this caused sparks to fly on the internet. Many white women in the comments were outraged that white men were largely the preferred response.
Keep reading to learn more about the viral post. Also, a few experts’ shared their takes on why Black women might feel safer in professional spaces with white men than with white women.
The Response on TikTok
The negative response and backlash to White Woman Whisperer’s videos was aggressive. Some users blocked her, and others canceled her. She was called an array of names. Some of the nicer insults were nasty, patronizing, toxic, tactless, impolite, and “obsessed with white women.” So many users reported her account that it was demonetized. She was also disqualified from TikTok’s Creator Awards program.
She is now referring to the backlash as “Man Vs. Bear Gate.” Some might say that this proves the point as to why Black women would prefer a white man showing up in a conference room over a white woman.
TikTok user, @committothebritt, who is a white woman, posted a response video. She asked her followers, specifically those who are white women, to question their angry response.
She said: “If you are feeling vitriolic about people saying white women are doing as much harm as white men, where do you feel that in your body? Because that is where you are holding misogyny and racism in your body. Deconstruction is not just a matter of the mind. It’s a matter of processing it in your body.”
What the Experts Have to Say
Cameron O’Brien, life coach and founder of CEO Life Coaching, explained that important factors to consider are the situational context and the structural socialization.
Historically, Black women have more to fear from white men physically. Usually, there is no physical violence happening in the workplace, O’Brien explained. If it was a different question about walking down a dimly lit alleyway at night, the response would be different.
In the workplace, however, O’Brien explained that, “Black women experience socio-emotional and interpersonal violence at the hands of white women, who weaponize and leverage their racial gender identity for increased status.”
When it comes to structural socialization, white women are largely unaware of their impact on Black women in the workplace. She explained that this is due to the covert oppressive structures that center whiteness.
Amoi Alawoya, founder of Niche Unlimited, has previously posed this question to Black women colleagues. The overall sentiment was split; it was largely dependent on the individual character and integrity of the person entering the room. She explained that this a key factor in the conversation.
In her discussions with Black women, the ones who preferred a white man noted predictability. They know what to expect with men versus with white women.
“White women have played the role of an ally until it’s no longer beneficial to them,” Alawoya said. “The change in allyship undermines the feeling of psychological safety – leaving Black women feeling uncertain and wary of potential disloyalty.”
Creating Safe Spaces for Black Women
Alawoya added that the crucial point to address is the negative reaction from white women and the affirming comments from Black women.
“The dismissal of Black women’s experiences is a clear indicator of the lack of psychological safety afforded to them,” she said. “If a statement on a social platform about the shared experiences of a marginalized group provokes outrage and offense, it offers insight into the problem.”
Instead of refuting it, Alawoya explained that it is more constructive to ask questions such as:
- Why do our actions seem more egregious than those of white men?
- What are we doing that fails to ensure psychological safety for Black women, and how can we improve?
- What conversions do we need to initiate in the workplace?
It is critical for white women to shift from defensiveness to a willingness to understand and improve. This opens the door for white women to work collaboratively toward an inclusive and safe work environment for everyone.