Have you ever heard the saying “a woman who asks for nothing deserves everything?” This quote shall, from this day forth, be known as the toxic red flag emancipation proclamation. It has been echoed everywhere from reality TV to “love songs.” Social media has made it a banner of faux celebration for independent women and it has become the crème da la crème of sentiments that seek to make women feel bad for expecting even the bare minimum in return for what we willingly give to the intimate partners in our lives.

The buck stops here.

Women, by nature, are givers. We pour into the lives of those we love with reckless abandon and, often times, we receive only a fraction of what we give in return. We spend our lives wearing this selflessness as a badge of honor in our personal and professional relationships until we are completely empty. And then we fall in love. We find a man who is supposed to join us in the tango of reciprocity. We give of our time, emotions and bodies; however, the moment we voice desires of our own — -we become instantly undeserving? It is only through our silence that we become worthy? The very same silence that men rest their morals or lack thereof upon is the key to everlasting #baegoals? Silence is not the key to unlocking a mutually respectful partnership, it is the foundation for pouring into a cup that will never pour back into you. It is, for certain, a magnet for unintentional mates who will invariably waste your time. 

I call foul and you should too. 

If you ask for nothing, you get nothing. Let me say that one more time: if you ask for nothing, you get nothing. Playing it cool with hopes that someone will find your lack of boundaries and self-respect alluring leads nowhere in the end. Sure, they may keep you around out of convenience for a while but they’ll never see you in all your glory because you’re too afraid to stand in it and risk losing them. Asking for what you need or want in a relationship doesn’t make you any less of a captivating, independent woman who can pack her bags the moment she is taken for granted. Plus, it separates the riff raff from the people who are truly ready to meet your needs. 

A person who does not flinch at your desires in a relationship will ensure that your love tank stays full. A person who expects your blind loyalty and love to come with no expectations will drain you. There are women walking around depleted of all their goodness because the world will have them believe that this is what being a woman entails. Spending year after year not getting what you need sexually, emotionally, or mentally. 

Being able to own and voice what you need from your partner is not a strike against you — -it’s what will keep your relationship progressing even in the hard times. Any man or woman who tells you otherwise is lying. But you don’t have to take my word for it…it’s possible for a plain country bumpkin and a prince to join in marriage. Impossible…things are happening everyday!