People may not realize how many unconscious habits they inherit from their parents, from the way they greet strangers to the way they dance to their favorite song. But while some of these tiny details are wholesome and harmless, there are others worth being conscious of and nipping in the bud while you still can. For daughters, it’s easy to witness how your mom related to food and body image and internalize those same ways of thinking,. However, with modern rhetoric dismantling toxic diet culture, you may begin to realize that there are certain ways of thinking you may no longer want to give life to.
Toxic Diet Culture
According to a 2015 review from Common Sense Media, children between ages five through eight who witnesses their mom’s dissatisfaction with her own body are likely to develop those same ideas about their own. In fact, one in four children have tried dieting by age 7.
This dissatisfaction can present itself in a myriad of ways, including your mother:
- Needing to “walk it off” after a meal
- Saying she’s being “naughty” when indulging
- Verbally punishing herself for eating unhealthy foods
- Critiquing her own body
- Skipping meals and trying new diets
- Making note of other women losing or gaining weight
Gen Z and millennial daughters were born into a revolution of body neutrality, celebrating the varying sizes and shapes people all come in. But, for Gen X and Baby Boomers, diet culture was inescapable. It was an industry too financially powerful to challenge, coiling itself in every facet of media and landing on their dinner plates. Being thin and conventionally attractive reflected a woman’s entire value, and while they may be diligent about not imposing that on their own daughters, it’s still difficult not to impose it on themselves.
Even if your mother has never directly criticized your body, witnessing how she criticizes her own is damaging enough. If your mom picks apart her body and it happens to mirror yours in any way, it’s nearly impossible not to internalize that hatred.
Unlearning Your Mother’s Relationship With Food
It’s easy to be empathetic, knowing your mother was only carrying an archaic rhetoric inflicted upon her. However, you owe it to yourself to be where the cycle ends, for your own insanity and every life you touch, from your friends to your own potential children.
Here are some tips on how to navigate unlearning your mother’s relationship with food,
Try Therapy
Unlearning decades worth of unhealthy habits won’t exactly go away overnight. The help of a professional, be it a therapist or nutritionist, can give structure and guidance to your healing journey and shift perspective on things you may not have realized along the way.
Lovingly Correct Her
The roles shift and children all eventually become their mother’s mother. Be the caretaker you may have needed in triggering moments and gently course correct her when she’s unkind to herself or critical around food.
Practice Positive Affirmations
Creating new neural pathways with the repetition of thoughts that actually uplift your sense of self rather than tear you down can make all the difference in the world. Practice mirror work or journaling affirmations that invite in unconditional acceptance and affirm your wellbeing.
Forgive Your Mother
Rather than looking at her as the enemy, remember that your mother is the victim of a disempowering patriarchal system that didn’t value the power of her authenticity. Inside, there’s a little girl that wanted to be given permission to love herself all the same.
Educate And Explain
While newer generations are used to social media rebellion and progressive dismantling, your mother may not be privy to everything being uncovered about diet culture. Do your best to educate and explain, even sharing some informative articles with her about everything our society has learned and unlearned.
Lead By Example
The language you build around food will be infectious, not only to your mother, but to the women and young girls around you who may be silently struggling all the same. Let them witness you celebrate food and unconditionally accept your body loudly, giving them permission to do the same.