It’s no secret that millennials are putting off some of life’s major milestones. They’re getting married later, moving more often, and delaying parenting, if they’re deciding to do it at all. While some people are certain about why they’re waiting to have children —or don’t want to—there are those of us who are just not so sure. There are pros and cons to the decision: experience a love like you’ve never felt before. And spend the rest of this life and the next worried about someone’s emotional, physical and psychological health. Motherhood is a lot of all the things. If you’re one of those people who are still undecided, you might not be entirely clear about your ambivalence. Here are some reasons you still might be unsure about motherhood.
You Haven’t Met the Right Person
Women can be vehemently against having children. But being with the perfect partner, can make the possibility of creating life or nurturing it, become much more appealing. Parenting works best when you have a partner in the fight. Not only that, if you have children the traditional way, they will share DNA and the good and not so great qualities of your loved one. When you find someone you admire and a person’s who’s negative qualities aren’t that bad, it becomes easier to imagine having children with them.
Times are Hard
The economy is kicking our asses. The price of groceries alone will have your altering your grocery lists. And those are just the basics. Daycare will break the bank. Our educational system is…questionable. While those financial concerns are all very real, that doesn’t even compare to the moral state of the world. The earth is getting hotter. Politicians are stripping women, and marginalized communities of their rights. And globally, we’re living in the midst of genocide in Africa and the Middle East.
It takes a lot more than financial comfortability to do right by children. You have to be willing to face and confront some of the worst parts of yourself as you seek to nurture your children. Children are the perfect little mirrors and sometimes they reveal things we’d rather not see. If you’re not ready to take on your own work while simultaneously learning these young souls can be taxing. It’s not for everyone.
The thought that you can shape a person who will later move and operate in the world as their own person is a heavy burden. As parents we take all types of precautions to raise kind people but we’ll all fall short in one way or another. We just have to hope that our choices don’t cause a ripple effect of harm and damage. And that’s just our end of the deal. The world can be a cruel place. Sending your most precious gifts out there is nerve-wrecking. Some people don’t want to invite all that worry into their lives.
You’re Still Raising Yourself
If you didn’t get the things you needed as a child, it’s your responsibility to re-parent yourself as an adult. Healing your inner child is intense work. And there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing your own healing before you take on the work of raising someone else. You may discover that the child you were meant to nurture in this life is yourself. That’s necessary and admirable work.