If you’re not usually the type to make the first move then suddenly trying to do so is bound to leave your nerves in a wreck. 

But worry not! These dating experts are sharing some well needed advice to give you all of the confidence you need to go out there and get your person!

Relationship coach Clarissa Silva believes the first step to making the first move is letting your love interest know that you’re interested in them, “in a way that won’t come out of nowhere and freak them out.” 

She suggests making time within your daily schedule to show your love interest that they’re important enough for you to include in your day. She explains to Elite Daily, “when someone constantly makes plans to see you despite their busy schedule, it is a good sign of what you really represent in their lives.” 

Now, how do you know if that energy is reciprocated? 

Well of course those plans need to be accepted by your love interest and they can also show their reciprocated affection through physical touch, gifts, or thoughtful gestures. “[these are signs that] they are studying you… They may be social [media] stalking you or hanging on every word you say to gain more insights on who you are.”

Once you’ve both shown interest towards one another the next step is to begin brainstorming ways to ask them out on a date. 

Confidence coach Dr. Aziz Gazipura, however, reminds people not to get too caught up or focused on the outcome of this proposal. “Remind yourself that you may like this person and feel really excited about them, but you do not need them to say yes. Paradoxically, the more you let go of needing them to like you, the more relaxed you become, and the more likely it is they indeed will like you!” 

Yes, the art of letting go. 

Whether asking them out in person, or opting to do it over text, use a scenario that doesn’t involve too much commitment, is straight to the point, and helps to reduce any awkwardness that there could be in meeting up. A simple, “Want to grab a coffee?” can be enough to get the job done. 

But if you’d like to kick the activity up a notch, try to find an interest that you both have in common and use that for inspiration in picking a date setting. Do you both love visiting art galleries? Going to the park? Or discovering a new food spot? Use that compatibility and go from there. 

Now, you may face the reality that your love interest just isn’t as smitten with you or they may not be your perfect match. 

Try not to allow yourself to spiral down the rabbit hole of rejection and self-loathing. Silva explains that “the best way to restore your self-esteem is to remind yourself of your worth.” She recommends making a list of all the good qualities that remind you just how much of an awesome person, friend or employee you are. 

The point of doing this is to rebuild your confidence. 

“Rejection challenges your decision-making ability because it’s something you thought you wanted versus needed. Being able to view a missed opportunity or connection as a process to what you really want or need is empowering and builds self confidence.” 

So even if you do get rejected, remember that you are being set up for something better to come, and even becoming a stronger person with better confidence and character because of it. 

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