We live in a hyper sexual world. In our society, sex sells everything from fashion to food. And even though there are a lot of sexual undertones in our day-to-day lives, in America we don’t often talk about sex in healthy or even inclusive terms. Pleasure is male-centered. And women are often shamed for even expressing a sexual desire, let alone acting on it. All of this can lead to a lot of dysfunction in the way we think about intimacy. Considering the fact that the brain is the most important sexual organ, it’s important that we get that right if we want to have the most fulfilling sexual attitudes and sexual lives. Here are some strategies to help you become more sexually liberated.
Self-Pleasure
Let’s get the obvious out of the way first, shall we. There’s no better way to get in touch with your body than to learn what makes it feel good. Sadly, there are still so many women who have negative notions about self-pleasure or solo sex. There are people who think pleasuring yourself is a sin or that sex should be exclusively a partnered activity. Our bodies were designed to feel good. We seek it out. Before you invite someone else to explore and experience your body, it’s healthy to have a deeper understanding of it. That way, you can tell your partners where to go and what to do.
Embrace Sensuality
We associate the word sensual with physical intimacy. But sensuality is about evoking the senses. Be intentional about delighting yourself through sensory experiences. Saunter through an art museum. Make a playlist of your favorite songs or see your favorite artist in concert. Treat yourself to a fine dining experience and take note of the flavors, smells and sensations throughout your body. Put together a blend of herbs and pour them into your next bath. Book a massage or be extra thorough in applying your body butters. Finding ways to engage with your body often and on purpose will have your primed and ready when it’s time for sex.
Relearn What Sex Means
The brain is the center of the chain. So perhaps it’s best to start here. Think back to the first messages you received about sex. Were they positive, negative or neutral? How did the women you were around talk about sex? Were there religious institutions that demonized the act in any way? Consider if you still might be holding on to some of those beliefs and ask yourself why. Finally, ask yourself if these thoughts help or harm you in your quest to be sexually liberated.
Speak Up
When you are having partnered sex, make sure it’s a collaboration. Sex is best when both people work together to please one another and themselves. For the ladies in heterosexual relationships, emphasis on that latter part. You are responsible for your own pleasure—and orgasm—even with a partner. So that means communicating when something does and doesn’t work.
Explore
As you seek to become more sexually liberated, consider doing things you’ve never done, first in solo and controlled environments. That could include reading erotica and taking notes about scenes you might like to recreate. When you’re out with your more sexually expressive friends, ask questions, listen to her experiences and think about what you might want to incorporate. Once you’ve tried some of these methods out, and you get more comfortable with your body, its pleasure and your own ideologies around sex, go ahead and jump in. Try new things. Test the waters. Ditch what you don’t like and keep what you do.