TikTok seems to be the search engine everyone loves to love. Black women have gone viral on the app for a range of topics including luxury fashion hauls, glass-like skincare, and living a soft life. However, all trends aren’t about positive topics. The controversial, “pick me girl” label has trended recently as people express frustration around women who fit the category. According to social media users, a “pick me girl” is a woman who seeks male validation above all else, even if it means harming other women. On TikTok several Black women have spoken out against “pick me girls” and their biased actions.
How Did It Start?
Being a “pick me” is caused by a patriarchal driven society. The trend started when Hollywood established movies where the main protagonist was an “unpopular girl.” Bustle reports movies like Amanda Bynes, “She’s The Man,” exuded “cool girl energy” and male seeking vibes. As social media evolved, Twitter was home to many pick me memes.
On “Oprah’s Next Chapter,” Gabrielle Union spoke about a time she bashed a woman. In the interview, Union said after the bashing a friend criticized her mean girl antics.
Gabrielle Union: “how did your life change? did you get the guy? Did you get the job?…Did money just magically get put in your pocket, what positive happened in your life after you just tore that woman down?” pic.twitter.com/jWYsQJ4riM
— find a reaction (@findareaction) June 16, 2021
“How did your life change? Did you get the guy? Did you get the job?”, Union’s friend asked after trashing a woman. The popular clip, quickly became a “pick me.” Since then, Black women have used this meme to “check” other women for tweeting hateful, sexist comments to their peers.
On TikTok users continue to share “pick me” behaviors. One user, @abarbielife2.0, called “pick me” Black women weird. She said Black women are “conditioned to engage in dysfunctional lifestyles and think it’s normal.”
Signs Of Pick Me Women
Common language used by a “pick me” includes, “I hang with guys because girls are drama.” Additionally, a “pick me” may say, “I’m not like other girls.” These women typically believe a Hot Girl Summer is centered around male attention instead of female liberation. A “pick me” is more than a mean girl, it’s a mean girl driven by the proximity of male-likeness. They exert “hater energy.” Also, “pick me girls,” have dense ideologies and tend to not accept women for just being women.
“Pick me” energy is caused by internalized misogyny. These women’s main purpose is to discredit their counterparts to make themselves feel better. “Pick me girls” can be disguised as your friends. They say sexist comments because it’s better to be accepted by men than women. “Pick me women” may make you feel inferior in front of your crush or other male companions. Sometimes these women encounter a “modesty over promiscuity” persona.
The Future and Dangers Of Pick Me Women
Another TikToker, @emilianaaa, addressed “pick me mothers” as women with self-deprecating, narcissistic traits. These women are usually jealous of their children and blinded by a man. The user confessed how her own mother emotionally abuses and belittles her.
@emiliananananaaa just weirdo behavior all around – gotta cut the cord #nyc #blackgirltiktok #afrolatina #narctok #therapytiktok ♬ original sound – emilianaaa