Has your man been cheating on you, and you've just found out? Or perhaps you've found out a little while ago, but the wound still feels fresh. Though you may think that no one understands your pain, many other women have likely shared your emotions in the wake of an affair.
You may feel (rightfully) angry or enraged; disappointed; embarrassed; wary; humorless; depressed, or even joyless. And while you may not believe it right now, over time, you'll begin to heal and find a new love and relationship worthy of your trust.
The healing process often takes a long time because we fixate on the hurt. We also second guess what went wrong, especially when things end abruptly. We wonder, "What did I do" or "What could I have done differently" believing our significant other's choice to be unfaithful is our fault. We instinctively seek answers and, in doing so, often dwell on our heartache far longer than we should.
You may feel alone, but we've all been there. But to begin to move on, you'll need to stop racking your brain trying to figure out what drove him to the other woman. Instead, consider these five common reasons that men cheat and see if one or more fits your situation.
- Immaturity: Some men are inexperienced being in monogamous relationships. Not every man is ready to commit, and some men who may even believe they are ready may not be yet.
- Insecurity: Other men cheat because of esteem issues. They may feel less attractive because they believe they are less physically, financially, or intellectually appealing than other men. Their insecurities may compel them to seek sexual validation from another woman.
- Fear of ending it: Cheating can occur when someone wants — but lacks the courage to — end their relationship directly and respectfully. A man may be scared to hurt their partner by being honest about their desire to leave. They may then, in a passive-aggressive fashion, create a situation that forces you to end it instead.
- Selfishness: Some men are, quite simply, selfish. They care only for themselves and will lie to get what they want. It's possible your man never had any intention of being monogamous in the first place. Or perhaps he did, but when the next woman came along, he decided to try to have his cake and eat it too.
- Lack of fulfillment: Men can be needy. Sometimes, they mistakenly believe that women are responsible for fulfilling all of their emotional needs, 24/7. And when you act independently, they lash out in anger by cheating.
If one or more of these reasons seems familiar, take some small comfort in the fact that their cheating likely had little to do with you. Their choice stemmed from their impulsive behavior, consciously dishonest choices, or repressed feelings. And also keep in mind that not every man you'll encounter struggles with these issues. Somewhere out there is the right man for you.