Abstinence and celibacy are terms often used interchangeably, but they carry distinct meanings and implications. Understanding the differences between the two and knowing how to navigate either when you are in a relationship can provide clarity and empower individuals to make informed decisions about their sexual health and personal lives. Both are a choice, and both include their own pros and cons as opposed to a sexually active relationship.
If you’re thinking of jumping into a relationship and are considering abstinence and celibacy, here’s a quick rundown of the differences, the benefits of abstinence vs. celibacy, and how you can navigate these lifestyle choices in a relationship.
What is Abstinence?
Abstinence is often referred to as the deliberate choice to refrain from sexual activity for a certain period. This decision can be made from various reasons, including religious beliefs, personal values, health concerns, or a desire to focus on other aspects of life. Abstinence can be temporary or long-term – the duration heavily depends on the reasoning behind it. Some couples may choose to remain abstinent until marriage, at which point their abstinence will end when they become sexually active.
Types of Abstinence
Abstinence is the deliberate choice to refrain from sexual activity for a specific period. Many couples choose abstinence for a variety of reasons, such as religious beliefs, personal values, or health concerns. It may be a temporary commitment—for instance, waiting until marriage—or a period of self-reflection where other aspects of life take precedence over physical intimacy. In relationships, abstinence can help partners focus on building emotional intimacy and trust without the complexities that often accompany sexual interactions. Research shows that couples who choose a temporary period of abstinence often report feeling closer and more in tune with each other as they channel their energy into non-sexual forms of bonding.
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy is a more permanent or long-term commitment to abstaining from sexual activity. It often carries a religious or spiritual significance and is typically associated with vows taken by clergy or religious practitioners. However, individuals may also choose celibacy for personal, philosophical, or health reasons. Voluntary celibacy is a personal choice to abstain from sexual activity for non-religious reasons, such as personal growth, health, or relationship goals.
As opposed to abstinence, couples usually remain celibate throughout the whole of their romantic tenure. Couples with one or more asexual partner may choose to be celibate because that person simply doesn’t desire sex. Individuals with a history of sexual assault or abuse might find sexual activity unpleasant at best or triggering at worst, and remain celibate because of it.
‘Involuntary celibacy’ is a term coined by online groups and turned into the phrase ‘incel’ and its feminine counterpart, the ‘femcel.’ This term, which can be claimed for oneself but is usually used in a derogatory sense, refers to someone who wants to engage with others sexually, but cannot due to not having a partner with which to do so.
Benefits of Abstinence and Celibacy
Both abstinence and celibacy offer unique benefits, which can vary depending on an individual’s motivations and lifestyle. Finding an alternative activity outside of sex even for a short time can help yourself and your partner bond in new ways you might not have thought of, opening up new lines of communication. Pick out a show to watch or a couple’s hobby to engage in and let the conversations flow from there. You might also find time to explore sensuality or nonsexual intimacy that makes you feel good physically.
Of course, one obvious benefit of celibacy and abstinence is the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy. While contraceptives like condoms or birth control are perfectly effective for this, not having sex at all will as well keep such incidents at bay.
Navigating Celibacy in Your Relationship
When considering abstinence vs celibacy in the context of a relationship, it is important to communicate openly about your expectations, boundaries and goals. Discussing these choices with your partner can help avoid misunderstandings and build a solid foundation of mutual respect. For instance, couples who choose temporary abstinence might set a timeline or agree on certain milestones, ensuring that both partners are on the same page. Meanwhile, couples committed to celibacy must find ways to cultivate non-sexual intimacy that reinforces their connection. This might include regular quality time together, shared hobbies, or simply open conversations about feelings and aspirations.
Beyond definitions, the decision to practice abstinence or celibacy is deeply personal and often fluid. In many relationships, couples may alternate between periods of abstinence and moments of sexual activity based on life circumstances, stress levels, or changing priorities.
A key aspect of navigating abstinence vs celibacy in your relationship is flexibility. It is perfectly acceptable to re-evaluate your choices as your relationship evolves. Some couples find that a temporary break from sexual activity gives them the space to focus on other dimensions of intimacy, such as emotional and intellectual connection. Others may find that a long-term commitment to celibacy brings them closer together in unexpected ways, strengthening their bond and fostering a deep sense of trust.
Challenges of Abstinence and Celibacy
Despite the benefits, abstinence and celibacy come with their challenges. Being aware of these challenges can help individuals navigate their choices more effectively. Society often emphasizes sexual relationships and intimacy, which can make abstinence and celibacy seem unconventional. Individuals may face judgment or pressure from peers, family, or media.
Without sexual relationships, some individuals may experience feelings of loneliness or isolation. Building strong social connections can help mitigate these feelings. Your sex drive and temptations can make it challenging to maintain abstinence or celibacy. Finding healthy ways to cope with these feelings is essential.
How To Navigate Abstinence and Celibacy
Understand and define your reasons for choosing abstinence or celibacy. Clear goals and motivations can provide a strong foundation and help you stay committed. If you’re in a relationship or dating, communicate your decision and boundaries clearly. Have open and honest conversations to avoid misunderstandings and ensure mutual respect. Remember to surround yourself with supportive friends, family, or like-minded individuals who respect your choice. Support systems can provide encouragement and understanding.
Use this time to focus on personal growth, hobbies, career, education, or spiritual practices. Engaging in meaningful activities can provide fulfillment and reduce feelings of loneliness.
Abstinence and celibacy are personal choices that offer unique benefits and challenges. By understanding the differences between the two and employing practical strategies, individuals can navigate their decisions with confidence and clarity. If you are motivated by personal, health reasons, or spiritual beliefs, abstinence and celibacy can lead to personal growth and fulfillment.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does kissing break celibacy?
Whether or not kissing ‘breaks’ celibacy is determined by your particular view of and reasons for celibacy. If you are celibate for religious reason, consult a member of your organization to learn more. Some view kissing as permissible as long as it doesn’t lead to sex.
Is it healthy to be celibate?
Just as with the above point, how ‘healthy’ it is is very dependent on your values, beliefs and reasons for being celibate. There is no right-or-wrong answer, as with any relationship.