Simply put, Duckwrth is a force. One that’s fused neo-soul and indie rock to birth a new genre entirely his own. The multifaceted artist has been radically reshaping the industry since 2012. With no interest in muting his spark, he’s made gender norms malleable and moonwalked over society’s most confining lines.
Now he’s gearing up to release a tragically introspective project. In it, Duckwrth explores dark crevices of mental health and poisonous vices, transmuting his demons into a sonic manifesto that centers growth, healing, and rebirth.
Dreams, Vices and Finding the Right Therapist
21Ninety got to dive deep with the California-based artist, discussing everything from breaking generational curses to the medicine of Black women.
21Ninety: What role has having a Black female therapist played in your mental health journey?
Duckwrth: She’s a black woman from Baton Rouge. I was going to BetterHelp, so it’s like a Russian roulette. My first therapist was this older Black man and during the session, he was eating chips. I eliminated him immediately. I thought at first I needed to go with a man, it just made more sense in my mind. But the universe didn’t want that for me. When I switched over to women, she seemed like the best choice. I just looked at her picture and I was like, “She feels right.” And sure enough, she really was. She’s very understanding. When I was f—ing up, she’d be like, “You’re f—ng up.” Very Auntie vibes. But if I’m being manipulated, she’d be like, “Hey. You’re being manipulated.” Very reassuring, she always lets me speak. It’s so crazy because I’ve gotten more life lessons from women than from men. I thought this would be the time when I would finally get to connect with a man and he’s eating potato chips. Barbecue Lays.
21N: What would be your testimony to anyone who sees themself in you and may be apprehensive about exploring therapy?
D: Just dive in. You can make 1,000 excuses as to why you won’t do it. But you won’t know until you cross the horizon. There is a before and after. When you take the leap, it’s much more different than you think it is. Mind you, it was hard. I would have to prep myself for a week, like, “Okay. I’m about to do this. I’m about to say everything.” It’s a lot. But the benefit is so much more. I can look at myself before and how I analyzed things versus how I take accountability in a new way now.
21N: How do you think the version of you before this journey would look at you now? Would he see weakness in your vulnerability?
D: I think my previous self was suffering because I’d always seen success as my lifelong path. I would get to these places where I’m about to really reach a new level and then I would hit a wall, but that wall was myself. It was me giving in to my urges and cravings, bad habits and addictions. I just felt trapped in a continuous loop. I didn’t have the tools to break the ceiling and get through. I feel like old myself seeing myself now, even though I’m still on the journey, would feel some sense of relief. Now I’m so hyper-focused. Even outside of this album, I’m thinking about garment manufacturing and design. I’m thinking about design for furniture, architecture, industrial design. Everything that I was into when I was younger, I found my way back to. When the distractions creep up, I’m like, “Ah, there it is.”
21N: Absolutely. Even in my personal therapy journey, I found that the healing really was a return to my child self and the things that really lit me up then. Do you have an active relationship with your inner child?
D: Oh, I definitely do. When I walk into my house, there are toys everywhere. I’ve been trying to be more minimal in my approach to my home and just everything in general. So I look around and I have toys everywhere. Now mind you, they’re, like, strategically placed. But even in my studio room, there’s like a wall of toy memorabilia. It’s insane.
21N: You mentioned vices and I know in this project you talk a lot about escaping feelings instead of confronting them. Do you feel like in this journey, you’ve replaced old vices with new ones?
D: My new vice is that because now I can be so hyper-fixated, I need to close my iPad, turn my phone off. It’s always been not getting enough rest, but before, it was because I was outside being ratchet. But this new self is like, “Turn it off. Turn the TV off. Turn your phone off. Get some actual rest.” Even if it’s not going to sleep, get away from the screen. A lot of what I deal with neurologically has to do with my screen time. I’ve tested it. I tried to go a day with barely any screen time and I felt so much better. When I’m waking up with a screen, in front of screens throughout the day, I feel so f—ed up. Migraines and dizziness and everything. My vice at the moment is technology. That’s the final boss.
21N: Same. I’m watching people self-diagnose themselves with ADHD, and sometimes it’s accurate, but I also think a lot of us are so digitally addicted that limiting screen time would actually eliminate so many of the symptoms that we think are ADHD.
D: Yes. Thank you for saying that. It is. It’s messing with development. It wasn’t that much of a problem 15 years ago. The teenagers man. Everything in the world is too accessible now.
21N: You seem the most comfortable with who you are right now than ever before. What does your self-love practice look like?
D: I recently got a car, so one of my best self-love practices is just driving. Driving to nature. Driving to a canyon or a beach or somewhere where I can just sit. Turn everything off and listen to the sounds of nature. Also, cooking at home when I can. I hated cooking before, but I recently found a new pleasure in cooking. It’s been nice to have a routine, waking up and making a smoothie. I’m in my thirties, I need fruits and vegetables. Taking care of my human as much as possible, taking care of my health. Quiet time in nature and driving, that’s been my version of self-love.
21N: So many Black men need to hear you care about yourself enough to give yourself this life. On the project, you confront the way that you used to run away from pain instead of leaning into the discomfort. Has therapy shifted your perspective on pain at all?
D: Pain is pain. I’ve never been a fan of pain, so it is just as hard now. I just think now, whereas before I’d question, like, “Is this bad?” Now I’m like, “It’s for a fact 100 percent bad.” If you allow this to persist, there’s gonna be repercussions. I won’t be able to sleep. I have horrific stress dreams sometimes, which means I’ll sleep for like, 3 hours a night, and that would affect my health, it would affect my days. It would affect my happiness. Now I’m very aware of the roots of it and that awareness makes me more accountable. I just have better tools.
21N: You’re very character-driven in your work. Is that a tool in itself to help you understand your own layers?
D: I guess so, it kinda happened naturally. It’s duality itself showing up in a tangible form. Being able to see the two sides. The joke is that they’re both me. Even if they look different, they’re me. Having to accept the fact that this version of me exists in me. I think a lot of that is acceptance, not feeling that I have to be defeated by the other side. With therapy, the voices don’t go away, you’re just aware now. I don’t know when they started, they could’ve started when I was 8 years old. Watching my mom and dad fight, that trauma. It could have started there. It could have started in so many places, but I can’t act like it doesn’t exist. It’s just being able to calm them down. I think a lot of our responses are definitely still fight or flight. Feeling like, “If I don’t take flight, I’m not gonna survive.” Now I’m able to turn that off and be like ”You don’t have to escape.”
21N: Absolutely. Integrating your shadow and parenting your inner child is so much of what this journey is about. You’ve touched on confronting generational trauma and breaking cycles. How do you feel like you’re actively doing that right now?
D: In a couple of ways for sure. I had to pause on dreams of having a family and stuff. I think before, I was a bit too delusional. Feeling like I could have a family or a relationship right now. I was going about it very blind to all the issues that I’d push under the rug. Now it’s about me really working on my stuff, as much as I like to fantasize and wish for a family. When I think about relationships, I don’t feel the same joy. It feels more irresponsible if that makes sense. And that’s a very weird feeling, honestly. But it goes to show the layers that I still have to dig through. I’m looking forward to working through a good amount of it so that I can feel comfortable in a relationship, or comfortable thinking about marriage or children.
21N: So many generations before us followed a chronological timeline of getting married and having children without stopping to think if they were capable of nurturing a healthy home or if they had the financial or mental ability to do so. Now you have the privilege of getting to confront your own self and ask, “Am I actually ready?” That’s an important cycle to break.
D: Yes, that’s the word. It’s a privilege. I don’t feel forced to a timeline, I don’t feel like I need to show up in a certain way. That’s a privilege because I could be married, I could have children right now if I wanted to. It’s a privilege to not have children and be able to take my time and move as I please. My parents just didn’t have the tools and the access that we have to better understand our traumas. Breaking generational traumas is cool because they worked mad hard so we could be here. We’re really taking advantage of what they worked for and sacrificed and died for. We’re eating the food that’s been harvested. I also want to introduce wealth into my family, that’s why I’m so hyper-focused.
21N: That’s true self-liberation. Being that you’re putting out a project so vulnerable, is there any apprehension about that world seeing you so bare?
D: Oh yeah. My ass is about to be out. It’s stressful to think about. I’m excited and stressed equally. But the excitement trumps overall because it gives me purpose. Even with what’s happening right now in LA, so many people in the music industry with their houses burnt down. It would feel inconsiderate and insensitive to release anything that doesn’t have some type of purpose or value, a real contribution. But yeah, there is a level of stress. I’m making the decision to put everything out there. I hope overall, it will be helpful more so than anything else. A lot of things about the album are jarring. It takes this level of jarring to get people to talk.
21N: Lastly, what role have Black women played in your own personal evolution?
D: Everything. Everything. I learned everything from a Black woman, honestly. My dad left when I was 8. I was raised by my mom, my sister, my aunties. My mom pushed me to be around men. She was like, “Alright. You’re gonna be the Boy Scouts because you need to be around men.” And it was very beneficial, I learned a lot of great life lessons, but on the more spiritual, emotional, or empathetic side of things, Black women gave me that muscle. Not taking sh-t, accountability. My lens looks much different from my male friends who weren’t raised with women around them. They approach things in a different way. Yeah, I owe Black women everything.
This article has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.