In a perfect world, when two people break up, both parties could quickly get over each other and move on to the next person. In the real world, one-half (or both) may take much longer to break ties with the relationship. If the relationship was more of a situationship, it’s probably easier to wipe hands of the entire experience. But when love and a considerable amount of time were invested in the relationship, then the seven stages of grief (shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, acceptance) kick in. So how long does it take to get over a breakup? Unfortunately, it just depends.
Cyberstalking Won’t Help Get Over a Breakup
Advancements in technology have made keeping in touch much easier than the ’90s when people were still relying on pagers, landline phones and in-person meetups. Mailing Christmas cards and writing letters have become the equivalent of instructors teaching cursive handwriting. Anytime a couple wants to check in on each other, they can look at a Facebook, Bluesky or Instagram status, “like” the photo, and leave a comment. Then, type away on text messenger or set up a FaceTime call. Technology has made it impossible to miss anybody.
But there are some drawbacks to not being able to believe “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” When a breakup happens, both people still have the same Internet access to one another. Decisions have to be made to unfollow and disconnect from each others’ friends list, avoid mutual friends who may still constantly post an ex-significant other, and figure out which photographs to hide on one’s own Instagram feed. If “couple goals” was half the account, then those photos will make it much harder to reach the “acceptance” stage of a breakup. An official breakup means it’s time to digitally separate as much as physically separate. It also may be time to shut down some accounts or start new ones.
Mutual Friends May Have To Pick Sides
Whether the friends started off with one person or another, and eventually became both parties’ friends, this can further complicate a breakup. A birthday invitation, wedding invitation or family reunion may mean seeing this person again. Now there’s a point to prove about being “over” one another. Half-hearted new “dates” are dragged along. The outfit, the hair and the makeup all say, “Look at what you’re missing out on.” This is when the “denial” and “anger” stages of the breakup are happening. What really needs to happen is sincerely thinking about whether this event is worth attending with a weakened heart. It may be better to wait until the “acceptance” stage. This way, both parties can be somewhere between cordial and genuinely happy to see each other as friends (or associates) only instead of daydreaming about “remember when” moments.
Picking Arguments Won’t Help With Breakup Acceptance
How long does it take to get over a relationship? One way to answer that is to confirm that neither party is still pointing the finger at what the other one did wrong. There are no angry texts about what one person should have done. The email chain is missing subliminal GIFs and long emails about where everything went wrong. There are no vulgar responses to leaving text messages unread. The arguing must stop. If either party is still at the arguing stage and trying to dissect the relationship, it’ll be that much more difficult to get over the relationship. Step back, breathe and decide whether it’s meant to be. If both people are always miserable around each other, then picking arguments to fix the relationship may not work. While couples are destined to argue at some point, every point shouldn’t be dissected like you’re studying to be a paralegal.
By taking some space apart and accepting that the relationship is over, this will make it that much easier to peacefully part ways. While time heals all wounds, some may heal quicker than others. And although there is no exact number of days or months to be happily single or ready for a new relationship, staying away from toxicity is a step in the right direction.