On last week’s episode of We’re The Campbells, starring Erica and Warryn Campbell’s family, Erica revealed to her close friend Lisa Winans that she had suffered from miscarriage in the past. The now-mother of three told Winans she never told anyone or spoke about it, instead she told herself "just keep going."

During her revelation, Winans also revealed that she too had a miscarriage two years after giving birth to her daughter, Sophie. Just watching the conversation unfold between these two good friends brought to light the often unspoken topic of miscarriages. 

In the medical world, a miscarriage, also known as an early pregnancy loss, is when a baby passes away in the womb before 20 weeks of pregnancy. According to the March of Dimes, about 10 to 15 percent of pregnancies end in a miscarriage and about one percent of women have repeat miscarriages. 

Statistically, while it may be seen as a "common type of pregnancy loss" according to the American Pregnancy Association, women who experience the trauma of this type of loss may feel helpless and alone. 


PHOTO: Zumi

Other celebrities such as Gabrielle Union, Evelyn Lozada, Beyoncé, Wendy Williams and more have used their platforms to speak out about their experiences with miscarrying. However, due to the sensitivity of the conversation, it still is not one discussed as openly as some may hope. 

Healing or recovering from something like this does not have a predetermined amount of time. For some women, it may take as long as it takes for their body to physically heal and for others it may take years. As Campbell mentions in her talk with Winans, grieving is a necessary step in coping with the loss. Although your body experiences physical changes during this time, people often overlook the emotional/mental toll this casts on a woman; especially in a world which leads women to believe they have to dust their shoulders off and keep it together. For many women, they begin to question themselves and their bodies. 

Brandi Sellerz, a mom in the 21Ninety Life Of A Boss Mom Series, shared her miscarriage testimony and revealed that it was one of the catalysts behind her blog Not So Private Parts. In a post she wrote titled "7/11 Lotto Ticket," she addresses her experience. She sums up how those who have gone through this have unfortunately come up against this hurtful circumstance: 

This could not be my reality. This was the baby that we prayed for. This was the baby that my mother had nudged the hand of God concerning (at least it was comforting to believe so.)  I sat there stunned… numb… in shock… How could this happen? How did my body fail in the one task that women are ‘supposed’ to be able to ‘easily’ complete? (or so I was told)…How did I fail? I ran through scenario after scenario regarding what could have gone wrong. Surely it was my fault. After being poked and prodded by three doctors. Three vaginal exams. Three ultrasounds. I had miscarried. I was 10 weeks pregnant.

Sellerz told 21Ninety that during her time of grief she searched the internet for support and clarity but quickly came to the realization that those resources or forums were not readily available in the manner she had hoped. Writing is one of her self-care and healing tools, and one she has used to create safe spaces for other women looking for outlets to openly express their truths, good and bad. 


PHOTO: Get Drawings

Creating communities, such as the ones mentioned by Sellerz, is not only important for educational purposes but also to remind those afflicted that they are not alone, they are not broken and healing is possible. While family members and friends usually provide comfort, some of them may have never gone through a miscarriage and, though good intentioned, may not say or suggest the right things. Thankfully, with our advancement in technology and media outlets, access to support groups, people and other resources are more easily accessible. 

No two women will have identical grieving processes after a loss like this, here are some things to keep in mind, according to the American Pregnancy Association: 

  • Respect your needs and limitations as you work through your grief and begin to heal.
  • Reach out to those closest to you. Ask for understanding, comfort, and support.
  • Seek counseling to help both yourself and your partner. You don’t have to face this alone.
  • Allow yourself plenty of time to grieve and the opportunity to remember.
  • Know the facts about what happened and potential implications for the future. Seek answers to your questions, look at the medical records, and take notes.
  • Be sad and joyful. It is okay to feel sad at times but the key is to not let it control you. Others have survived their grief, and in time you will too. Do enjoyable things because laughter and joy are healers. Remember that celebrating bits of joy doesn’t dishonor your loss. 
  • Remember your baby. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or making the memories insignificant. You may want to name your baby. Some women find comfort by doing something tangible like planting a tree, selecting a special piece of jewelry with a birthstone, or donating to a charity. On the anniversary you may want to share a special time with your partner.

While this topic is a delicate one, women like Campbell encourage other women to be more open with their experiences because it can help other women heal. 

"There are so many feelings that go along with having a miscarriage and they are not always easy to explain, but I do think that women should talk about it more because once a mom finds out she’s having a baby, you fall in love with that baby before you even see it and that’s the hardest part; the process of falling out of love," Campbell said on her show. 

If you or someone you love are in need of resources to deal with this difficult time, click here to visit the March Of Dimes site. 

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