Tyra Banks said it best in cycle 4 of America’s Next Top Model. After her frustrations with aspiring model Tiffany boiled over, the exhausted host famously shouted, “I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!” This viral TV moment may have happened 20 years ago, but it perfectly encapsulates how I feel today about the demise of Remy Ma and Papoose’s marriage.
There was a time when you couldn’t mention Black love without talking about Remy Ma and Papoose. Sure, there are countless other Black power couples who are more high profile or have more mainstream recognition (i.e., Beyoncé and Jay-Z, Ciara and Russell Wilson) but Remy and Papoose were different. They seemed more attainable. Like people we knew. An everyday couple we could just as easily see on the street as we could on our TV screen or timeline.
Several months ago though, the picture-perfect union began to show signs of fading. Things escalated this past weekend as a barrage of scathing new accusations and hurtful exchanges between Remy and Pap flooded the feed. The once-happy home that stood as the blueprint for Black love was crumbling right before our eyes.
But how did we get here?
When Love Is in Action It Can Speak Volumes
Remy and Papoose’s love story started out like a classic hood fable. The pair met around 2004 through a mutual acquaintance in the form of DJ Kay Slay and initially bonded over their shared craft—music. A friendship quickly developed that evolved into something more.
The early days of their courtship were filled with all those butterflies-in-the-stomach feelings that most can only hope for. Late night conversations that extend way into the early morning. A genuine connection that feels almost destined. But every good fairytale worth its weight in glass slippers has its fair share of hurdles that ultimately make the happy ending worth it.
In the case of Remy and Papoose, their biggest trial and tribulation was a literal trial. In 2008 when Remy was convicted of assault and sentenced to eight years in prison, Papoose could have easily cut his losses and moved on. Instead, he held Remy down and became her biggest cheerleader. He visited her often and whether it was in song or in an interview, Pap professed his undying love for Remy every chance he got.
Papoose’s unwavering devotion in the face of adversity was admirable. Getting married over the phone at the start of Remy’s sentence, Papoose was committed not just in words but also in action. He flipped the idea of a ride-or-die chick on its head by making it unisex. It was no longer just a woman’s job to stand by her man through a bid. Papoose’s actions over the next six years showed young men and women just how reciprocal a loving relationship could be.
Once Remy was released in 2014, the reunited couple doubled down on their commitment to each other. They renewed their vows complete with a lavish ceremony that was filmed as part of a VH1 special. Sporting BLACK LOVE merch at every instance and including #BlackLove in practically every caption, Papoose became the literal poster boy for the phrase. In 2016, he and Remy even recorded a song together called “Black Love” that celebrated their union and other inspirational Black couples.
With the arrival of the couple’s first child together in 2018, it looked like Remy and Papoose were well on their way to their happily ever after. But somewhere along the lines feelings changed and that’s when things fell apart.
Sometimes Growing Apart Just Comes With the Territory
Perhaps I’m too much of a hopeful romantic. Despite the proverbial writing being on the wall, I still held on to the idea that Remy and Papoose’s idealistic version of Black love would somehow find a way to flourish. Sadly, that doesn’t appear to be the case.
Rumors of Remy’s infidelity had been circulating since 2022. Her alleged lover was a Philly rapper named Eazy the Block Captain. Despite a reported physical altercation between Eazy and Papoose during a 2023 rap battle that Remy hosted, both sides refused to publicly speak on the status of their marriage. But social media told another story.
Eagle-eyed fans called out the fact that Remy hadn’t posted a picture with her husband since his birthday in March of 2022. While the quantity of shared pics isn’t a true barometer of the quality of one’s relationship, the rumor mill continued to churn towards the tailend of 2023. That’s when footage of Remy and Eazy enjoying each other’s company at various events began popping up online.
Papoose wasn’t free of any finger-pointing during this time either. After months of being singled out as the “bad guy,” Remy shared that Papoose was romantically attached to boxing champ Claressa Shields. This was followed by a messy threeway back and forth online in December 2024.
The he said/she said banter continued to play out on social media into the New Year with leaked audio of alleged confessions of infidelity, various screenshots of text exchanges, and, longwinded captions that served as personal manifestos of rightness and wrongdoing. More recently, the bickering spouses have engaged in IG Lives where conversations that should be private have spilled out to the public in real time. The whole situation is just messy and maddening.
Not All Marriages Last and That’s Okay
To be completely honest, I’m not even that mad at Remy and Papoose for breaking up. It’s human nature to grow and change over time. If a couple doesn’t put in the work daily to stay connected then it’s no surprise that they can eventually grow apart. What pains me most about all of this is how Remy and Pap are handling the split and each other.
For a couple that once moved with such intention, it’s disheartening to see them now engaging in passive-aggressive behavior in social posts. We don’t need to bear witness to all the petty back and forth. It’s spectacle for the sport of just appearing to be right. If the goal is to save face, then Remy and Papoose are failing miserably in that regard. The more dirt they throw on each other’s name further taints the precious public image they’re trying to preserve. The whole thing is so messy. In some instances, it’s just plain ugly and I expected so much more from them.
As a community, we need to rethink what it means to preserve the sanctity of our relationships—especially our marriages. Everything doesn’t need to be posted online to be real. Every breakup doesn’t need to be broadcasted. There’s still power in privacy. It’s possible to protect what and who you once loved, even if you’re both choosing to walk away.
Maybe that’s the lesson to be learned from all of this. Black love doesn’t have to be perfect or permanent to be beautiful, but it should, at the very least, be respectful. Even though it didn’t last forever, Remy and Papoose gave us something special. The marriage may not have lasted but the message lives on. Keep rooting for Black love.
This commentary comes from a male ally who, like many of us, was rooting for Remy and Pap. While 21Ninety is built by and for Black women, we also believe in thoughtful conversations across our community.