Women have a lot to consider when choosing a romantic partner. Is he kind? Does he treat me the way I require? Do I find him physically attractive? Are we compatible sexually? But if you see a more long term commitment with this man, you may even be wondering how he’ll fit into your life plan. If you’re the type of woman who wants to be a mother one day, then you’ll also want to ensure that the man you choose not only makes for a good partner but a good potential father to your children—whether you bring them into the relationship with you or you have them together. There are a million characteristics that can make for a good parent. But here are some signs he might not be a good father.
He Doesn’t Respect Women
You might think that men who date women would inevitably respect them. But that’s not how the world works. Patriarchy and misogyny have such a stronghold on both the male and female psyche that respect for women is not even a prerequisite for romantic partnership. While it’s not good in a relationship, it’s even worse when it comes to the type of father he is. If he doesn’t respect women, he likely won’t respect the sacrifices and struggles that come with being a mother. Furthermore, whether you’re raising sons or daughters, your partner will share his toxic thoughts with your children. And that will affect how they show up in the world as well.
He’s Selfish
A good father is someone who seeks to take care of his entire household. More than just providing financially, it means that you consider the emotional needs of those living under your roof. If a man can’t step outside of himself to be considerate of others, there’s a great chance that meeting the needs of little people won’t be his forte either.
He’s Not Supportive
Does your man struggle to help with household chores? Can you rely on him in a crisis? When you take on a new duty or project, does he offer emotional and moral support? If the answer to these questions is no, you might have a problem. With the support from a partner, the mother can direct her energy and a more positive energy toward her child. If your man is not supportive now, the learning curve when children enter the picture is steep and chances are you’ll be feeling the effects of his lack of support tenfold.
He’s Told You He Doesn’t Want Kids
This one is obvious. But there are still plenty of women—despite all the evidence that says otherwise— who are operating under the assumption that having a man’s child will endear him to her. In the best case scenario, if the man steps up and proves to be a good father, it usually doesn’t strengthen the romantic relationship. And in the worse case, a child has an absentee father. Even if a man has said he doesn’t want to be a father, the ultimate decision to have that child is up to the woman. And there’s nothing wrong with her exercising her right to do so. She’ll just have to be intentional about finding other role models for her baby.
He Doesn’t Take Care of the Kids He Already Has
This is another obvious one. Still, whether we’re looking at celebrity relationships or those between our homegirls or family members, there are plenty of examples of women having children with men who have a terrible track record with the children they’ve already brought into this world. Whether women believe the man has changed or they’re different from the other women, most people repeat patterns. And the same is true for the fatherhood role. Take note of how often he sees his children, what he knows about them and what his exes have to say about him as a parent. It’s a good indication of what you might have to deal with as well.