A narcissist can be defined as someone who is highly self-absorbed and lacks empathy. Though it’s certainly helpful to avoid engaging with one in any dynamic, it’s a bit out of your hands when the narcissist is a parent. With your childhood being some of your most formidable years, it’s nearly impossible not to feel lasting effects from this painful dynamic. This may lead to you embodying attributes that may seep into the rest of your adult relationships.
Dr. Ryan Sultan, a board-certified psychiatrist, therapist, and professor at Columbia University, shares, “Daughters of narcissistic parents often face unique emotional challenges stemming from manipulative and hurtful behaviors. Recognizing the impact of a narcissistic parent and seeking professional help is essential for healing and building healthier relationships.”
It’s important to note that awareness is half of the work. While it can feel overwhelming, it’s not a battle to fight alone, nor is it one impossible to overcome. Dr. Sultan continues, “The journey to recovery may be challenging, but it is possible with the right support and guidance.”
Let’s take a moment to break down what the symptoms of daughters of narcissistic parents are, and how to begin recovery.
10 Symptoms of Daughters of Narcissistic Parents
If you’re the daughter of a narcissistic mother or father, the first step in the journey is learning which attributes may stem from this dynamic. Niloufar Esmaeilpour of Lotus Therapy and Counselling Centre offers some helpful insight into what those symptoms may look like:
Low self-esteem: Daughters of narcissistic parents often struggle with low self-esteem and a negative self-image due to constant criticism and invalidation.
Fear of abandonment: They may have a fear of abandonment because narcissistic parents can be inconsistent in their affection and attention.
Anxiety and depression: Emotional manipulation and constant criticism can lead to anxiety and depression in children of narcissistic parents.
Difficulty forming healthy relationships: These daughters may have trouble establishing and maintaining healthy relationships because they may not have experienced healthy boundaries and emotional support in their upbringing.
Perfectionism: Narcissists will often only find things acceptable if they’re perfect, and their daughters will notice the only way not to get criticized is to do something perfectly. They also begin to associate feelings of love and appreciation with success.
People-pleasing: Daughters of narcissistic parents often learn to prioritize others’ needs over their own to avoid conflict and gain approval.
Emotional detachment: Some may develop emotional detachment as a coping mechanism to protect themselves from the emotional manipulation of their parent.
Trust Issues: Narcissists are prone to lying, manipulation, and gaslighting to get their way. The lack of empathy in these actions makes it difficult for their daughters to trust anybody. This carries forward into adulthood and causes issues in their relationships.
Identity issues: Growing up in a narcissistic environment can make it challenging for these individuals to develop a clear sense of self and their own identity.
Codependency: A codependent relationship usually has an imbalanced power structure. Within these structures, the only way to survive for both people is to depend on the other. Narcissists create codependent dynamics with their children because it makes them feel needed.
You Aren’t Doomed
If you recognize these symptoms in yourself or your present-day relationships, you are not doomed. Dr. Sultan recommends therapy as a tool for self-improvement: “Recognizing the impact of having a narcissistic parent is an essential first step toward healing. Daughters of narcissistic parents should consider seeking therapy or counseling to address emotional wounds and develop healthier coping mechanisms.”
Knowing that underneath the remnants of your trauma lies a version of you that’s willing to demand their needs and self-resource their worth is crucial when healing from narcissistic parents. With properly enforced boundaries, self-reflection, and seeking professional guidance, you can begin to construct a life rooted in self-compassion and liberation.