No matter how profound the love is, marriage takes work. It isn’t always easy to share your most intimate space with someone, and while the connection may burn with passion in the beginning, it can take a bit of a hit once you coast into a level of comfort.
However, the labor of its investment is always worth it, being that your spouse is one of the most precious relationships you’ll ever have. It’s important to protect and keep the health of your connection, which is why many couples undergo a marriage audit.
What Is a Marriage Audit?
Essentially, a marriage audit involves a couple sitting down and answering questions that pertain to the morale of their relationship, whether meditated by a professional or on their own accord. Dr. Amira Williams, who holds a PhD in sex therapy, defines a marriage audit as a “brilliant tool for couples to assess the health of their relationship. It’s like taking your car in for an annual check-up, but instead of checking tire pressure and oil levels, you’re examining communication patterns and emotional intimacy.”
It can be difficult to voice concerns or give suggestions for the happiness of your relationship while you’re in it, especially if you’re afraid of hurting your partner’s feelings or triggering them. Doing it within a container of an audit gives permission for both parties to safely communicate their needs and feel heard.
Dr. Williams continues, “Just as companies perform yearly audits to ensure financial health, couples should also conduct regular checks on their relationship. This isn’t about pointing fingers or assigning blame — it’s about identifying areas that need attention and celebrating what’s working well.”
Any kind of connection can benefit from undergoing an audit; it helps confront any weak beams within the infrastructure of the relationship. However, being that your spouse plays such a significant role in your day-to-day life, it’s most certainly a relationship you want to prioritize and keep healthy.
The Marriage Audit: 12 Questions
If you’re ready to run an audit in your marriage, the 12-question marital audit, guided by professional hands, can be game-changing. Divorce Lawyer and Relationship Expert Julia Rueschemeyer shares, “A 12-question marriage audit can be a pivotal tool in assessing the health of a marriage. These questions aim to identify areas of strength and potential growth in marriage, promoting a proactive approach to relationship health.”
Here are some vital questions that should be included:
1. Communication: How effectively do we communicate our needs and listen to each other?
2. Conflict Resolution: Are we able to resolve conflicts constructively, without escalation?
3. Financial Harmony: Do we have a mutual understanding and agreement on financial matters?
4. Emotional Support: How well do we provide emotional support to each other?
5. Shared Values: Do our core values and life goals align?
6. Intimacy and Affection: Are we satisfied with the level of intimacy and affection in our relationship?
7. Respect: Do we maintain mutual respect, even in disagreements?
8. Time Together: Are we investing enough quality time in our relationship?
9. Parenting Styles: If applicable, are our parenting philosophies complementary?
10. Growth and Development: Do we support each other’s personal growth and development?
11. Trust and Security: Is there a strong sense of trust and security in our relationship?
12. Future Outlook: Are we excited about our future together?
Try It Out at Home
Whether you still feel like newlyweds or need to dust off some cobwebs, there’s no marriage that wouldn’t benefit from an emotional deep dive. In fact, Dr. Williams encourages marriage audits to be approached with a level of excitement. “Here’s the fun part: unlike most audits, this one doesn’t require paperwork or calculators! You just need an open heart, a willing mind, and perhaps some wine for good measure.”