Whether you’re married now, looking to get married, or just reading to add to your wisdom, it is no secret that marriages seem to have a “buzz-off” phase where the love and romance seem to fizzle out, and the honeymoon phase is all but forgotten. It may slowly start to seem like your spouse is just an annoying roommate that you absolutely cannot stand during this phase. Although there are peak and trough periods in every relationship, sometimes, the troughs just seem to be a little too deep, and marriage can definitely get that way too. If you have been in a marital relationship, there are many hacks that you have heard that are useful in keeping a relationship healthy and functional; there is a number one foolproof hack to keep in mind. 

The truth about love and marriage is that many of the movies lied to us. Love and marriage aren’t always as easy as Cinderella, and the fairy tales made them look. They conveniently cut out the scenes where Prince Charming didn’t seem to listen to her needs, where Prince Naveen didn’t wake the kids up on time, and the scene where Li Shang constantly left the toilet seat up. The movies taught us about uncertain beginnings and fairy tale endings, but they left out all the things that happen between them and the hard days. 

Decide Everyday

The first tip to keep in mind is that to stay married; you have to make a choice and decide to wake up each morning and love the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage is more or less an active choice of waking up and staying in the conviction to decide to stay married. This has little to do with sugar coating and toxic positivity. Think of it as an “I choose you because you are worth the effort.” Decide to resolve conflicts with your significant other rather than see them as an enemy you need to dominate and defeat. In marriage, there is no winning against the other when you are a unit. Don’t curse them out or belittle them because it will only result in pent-up resentment that will continue to build up over time. Rather, try to control what you feel in those heated moments and remember that your annoyance is a sign that you care. 

Stay Curious

The second tip to keep in mind as s preventative measure towards toxic disagreement is to make a conscious effort to judge less and wonder more. There are undoubtedly times that you will disagree with your partner’s judgment, but adapting a mindset of curiosity rather than berating judgment is an effective way to build trust and strengthen your community. A great way to build rapport in this sense is to genuinely ask questions rather than make statements that have a sense of finality to them.

Know That Every Marriage Is A Work In Progress

Unfortunately, there is no pixie dust and fantasy involved in marriage. Although Instagram-perfect couples make it seem impossible to believe, every marriage is a work in progress and has experienced a rough patch at one point or another. When you and your spouse both make a conscious effort to decide to keep caring about each other and showing up every day for one another, there is no limit to how much your marriage and its communication will wax strong.