The holiday season is often when people gather to spend time with family members. However, for those who are still dealing with the loss of a family member, the festive season can become an emotional purgatory. It can be hard to navigate the delicate balance between enjoying the family you will be with and missing the people who used to be a part of the good times. It’s important to acknowledge that although the holidays can be full of celebration, it can qually be a challenging time for those who are grieving family members.
21Ninety sat down with licensed marriage & family therapist and founder of The Hardy Clinic. Brittany Hardy, about some tips on surviving the holidays while grieving.
Getting Through the Holidays While Grieving Family Members
21N: Experiencing the holidays for the first time after a family member has passed is hard. What are some ways to prepare in advance for those events?
Brittany Hardy: Take time to assess your desires for the holidays and what activities truly resonate with you. It’s okay to continue with traditions, create new ones, or skip them altogether if they feel overwhelming.
Identify potential emotional triggers that might surface and devise coping strategies to manage them effectively.
Acknowledge your feelings and recognize that it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions like sadness, grief, or even unexpected moments of joy. Be compassionate with yourself; it’s okay if you prefer solitude or feel the need to depart from festivities sooner than expected.
21N: What are some of the best ways to communicate your emotions to family members when you’ve reached your limit at these events?
BH: Discuss triggers beforehand: Before the event or when you feel intense emotions rising, talk to your family about specific triggers you’ve identified. Explain how these triggers affect you and discuss ways to handle them together.
Set boundaries: Communicate your boundaries regarding discussing the loved one who passed away. Let your family know if it’s too difficult to talk about them or if you would appreciate sharing memories. Establishing these boundaries can help manage conversations and emotions during the event.
Use “I” statements: Express your feelings using “I” to convey your emotions without blaming. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when we talk about them right now” or “In this moment, I am not okay. I need a minute to process my thoughts and feelings.”
Take breaks: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, give yourself permission to take breaks. Step outside, find a quiet space, or engage in an activity that helps you self soothe.
Lean on a trusted family member, invite a friend or significant other: this is someone who you feel comfortable with, and they can help advocate for you or provide support during the event.
21N: What are some tips for moving forward and learning to enjoy holidays after the loss of a loved one?
BH: Establish a different routine: Consider alternating holiday gatherings, exploring travel options, or spending time with friends and their families to create a new way of celebrating.
Explore ways to commemorate the loved one: Incorporate new traditions that honor and remember the person who passed away.
Volunteer: Offer your time at local food banks or shelters to find purpose and meaning during the holidays.
Seek a nurturing support system: Surround yourself with individuals who provide a safe space of understanding in your environment and allow you to navigate these times with comfort and grace.