Children are always paying attention. They’re constantly watching the adults in their lives and imitating their behaviors. It’s not just the good behaviors, it can include some of the negative ones as well. As these children grow up, you can see their parents reflected in the way they treat themselves, the way they treat others and the way they handle money. Experts call that last one your money story or money script.
Financial specialist Jamilah McCluney of Black Wealth Financial describes a money story as “beliefs and practices that play out in your life subconsciously.”
A person’s money story is likely a reflection of the way their parents handled money.
“If their parents were in a financial pitfall or were spending every dollar they had, it tends to carry over in the children that become adults,” McCluney explains. “No matter how much money they make, it’s just imprinted.”
Origins of a Money Story
Memories from childhood tend to lay dormant and people aren’t always aware that their behaviors originate from decades ago. If you’re curious to know your money story and where it comes from, you’ll have to get curious. You might even have to have some challenging conversations to get to the bottom of it.
McCluney suggests you start with your own patterns first.
“See what you’ve done with your own money to see if there are areas where you may be lacking or not sufficient,” McCluney says.
Once you’ve identified the areas to improve, you can have a chat with the adults who influenced you.
“Ask questions and see what your parents did with their money,” McCluney suggests.
You may learn that there are similarities. McCluney likens learning your money story to the type of discovery that takes place in therapy.
“I believe that money, overall, has very little to do with money. It’s more about the emotions and the underlying and thoughts that we’re building our everyday practices on,” she said.
Why You Need To Know Your Money Script
Learning the script, can mean making the moves to change it.
“You can create a different story, a different paradigm, first for ourselves and then our children,” McCluney explains.
Changing money scripts is particularly important for the Black community.
“We’re one of the only cultures where money’s not really taught like that,” McCluney said. “So we’re behind already, for a lot of reasons. So it’s important to understand where you are so that you can do better. Once you know better, you do better, hopefully.”
Money Stories in Relationships
Identifying your money story becomes even more important when you combine finances with another person, through partnership or marriage. It’s important to establish guidelines about the financial roles you and your partner will play.
“It’s important to have these conversations so we can set realistic expectations about what you’re good at,” McCluney said. “Maybe you’re not a saver but the other person is a saver and can kind of pick up the slack or help you in ways that you’re lacking so that you can work together as a unit.”
Changing your money story
Once you’ve done the work of recognizing your money story for what it is, you can begin the work of changing it. It could require your own individual research or calling in reinforcements.
“There’s tons of information out there,” McCluney said. “You can get professional help, seeking out a financial advisor. Someone who is trained and works specifically with your money story to help you create a different habit to learn how to manage money and learn how it works.”
The biggest step in working to correct your money story is being truthful.
“Once people are able to have honest conversations and have no shame around it, you can get better and improve where you are.”