Relationships are transformative. Loving someone unconditionally while allowing yourself to be loved unconditionally can help you evolve into a better version of yourself. However, not all relationships lead to growth. While healthy partnerships call for you to be more compassionate, confident, and communicative, others may do much of the opposite. Some relationships can pull you away from yourself, leading to self-abandonment and losing a sense of identity. Here’s what it means to abandon yourself in a relationship and how to come back home to yourself.
Self-Abandonment in a Relationship
Abandoning yourself in a relationship means is when you completely lose touch with your own needs, values and sense of self in order to keep your partner happy or maintain the relationship. It’s a sacrifice of autonomy and authenticity, pouring everything left of you into a person who is likely not doing the same for you.
Causes of Self-Abandonment in a Relationship
There are several causes of self-abandonment in a relationship.
Childhood Experiences
Early life experiences play a significant role in shaping self-perception. Individuals who faced neglect or emotional suppression during childhood may learn to devalue their own needs, leading to self-abandonment in adult relationships.
Fear of Abandonment
A profound fear of being left alone can drive individuals to suppress their own desires to maintain a relationship. This fear often originates from past experiences of loss or rejection, resulting in behaviors aimed at preventing perceived threats of abandonment.
Low Self-Esteem
Individuals with diminished self-worth may feel undeserving of having their needs met. This lack of self-esteem can lead to a pattern of self-neglect, where one’s own desires are consistently overlooked in favor of a partner’s.
Codependency
In codependent relationships, there’s an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner. This dynamic often results in one partner continually sacrificing their own needs to support the other, reinforcing self-abandonment behaviors.
Societal and Cultural Influences
Societal norms and cultural expectations can pressure individuals, especially women, to prioritize others over themselves. These external pressures can perpetuate self-abandonment by promoting self-sacrifice as a virtue
Signs of Self-Abandonment in a Relationship
Here are some signs you’ve abandoned yourself in your relationship:
- You feel like you’re walking on eggshells
- You tolerate unhealthy behavior
- You ignore your own needs
- You lose your sense of identity
- You compromise your values
- You feel resentful but stay silent
- You prioritize the relationship over your well-being
- You become overly dependent on your partner
- You neglect your friendships and other relationships
- You feel emotionally drained or disconnected
- You feel like you have to “earn” love or affection
- You ignore red flags or concerns
- You no longer trust your own judgment
- You feel invisible or unimportant
Healing From Self Abandonment
If you recognize the signs of self-abandonment in your relationship, then you may have lost touch with your own needs. You can always make the choice to come back home. This means reconnecting with yourself through self-reflection practices, like journaling and therapy, setting boundaries and finding support outside the relationship. It’s also worth opening up to your partner about feeling self-abandoned. If they’re truly the person for you, then they’ll support you by any means necessary to feel centered again. With effort, boundaries and communication, you can restore balance and bring a healthier dynamic into your relationship.
Taking Space Without a Breakup
If you find yourself in need of space in your relationship, there are ways to make that happen without breaking up. First, have an have an honest conversation with your partner. Clearly express your feelings and the reasons behind needing some time apart. This transparency prevents misunderstandings and reassures your partner that the intention is to improve the relationship, not to end it. Next, set some boundaries that will explain exactly what taking space will look like for you both. Discuss how much time you’ll need apart and activities during this period. Also make sure to focus on your personal growth like goals and hobbies during this time apart. Finally, when it is time to reconnect, make sure the decision is mutual and have a plan in place to ensure a sense of security. This will also help reinforce both parties commitment to the relationship.