Everyone has a self-care routine these days. It might sneak its way into your nighttime routine or may have a glorified spot in the well established Sunday reset. Self-love is a non-negotiable for many trying to avoid burnout and life’s other stresses. Black women especially have embraced going to therapy, dipped into their soft lives and inspired the older generations to take their healing seriously. It seems that self-love is here to stay.
What is Self-love?
Self-love is many things. Definitions shift and adjust according to each person. In essence, it is about demonstrating love and respect for one’s own self. While there is extensive discussion about how to better show up in friendships and relationships according to love languages, it is just as important to learn how to treat yourself with love. Be it through intentional rest when you’re used to staying busy or speaking kinder to yourself, the end goal is to be in the habit of loving on yourself.
Taking a closer look at how Black women approach much needed me-time, social media has shown several platforms spring up. These platforms exist to counter harmful narratives, such as the myth of the ‘strong Black woman’. These spaces prioritize giving Black women the resources to find Black women therapists who understand their identities with ease, to celebrate their bodies or to repeat self-love affirmations.
Alisha Reed is a Clinical Pharmacist and Self-Care Strategist who has seen first-hand how self-care impacts health in the community. As a Self-Care Strategist, Reed provides the tools and training to create a successful self-care plan. She also is a mom who believes self-care is non-negotiable and is determined to break the generational curse that “strong women don’t take breaks.” Here is what Dr. Reed had to say about self-sabotaging vs self-caring behaviors.
Incorporate Self-love and Self-care into Your Daily Life
Reed said that a smart woman would know when to take a break and describes self-care as self-preservation.
“I think of it as preventative medicine,” she said. “There are so many health conditions that are exacerbated by stress, such as Autoimmune disorders (arthritis, lupus, etc), Anxiety, Panic Disorder, High Blood Pressure, Infertility, PCOS and hair loss. Why wait until you are in urgent care and hear a doctor tell you to take better care of yourself?”
Ultimately, the best way to invest in true self-care is by taking responsibility for your own self-care routines.
“Creating a self-care plan allows you to have the tools to live a healthier and happier life,” she said. “Think of a self-care plan as a guide to maintaining your health and wellness. It’s a toolkit that you can pull from whenever you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed and in need of a break. I choose something from each of the 6 types of self-care.”
Dr. Reed outlines how each of the 6 types of self-care might manifest in her self-care plan.
- Physical: Take a walk or apply a sheet mask
- Emotional: Talk to a therapist or write in a journal
- Mental: Read a book or learn something new
- Social: Hang out with the girls or join a group
- Practical: Organize your closet or set some goals
- Spiritual: Attend a worship service or connect with nature
The Commercialization of Self-care
With self-care plans and daily methods for prioritizing yourself, sometimes it is still easy to neglect your routines. The most common reasons that most people don’t practice self-care include guilt and the lack of time or money, according to Reed.
Reed believes that the growing trend of self-care is becoming synonymous with extravagant gifts, trips and spa days. While all of these are very much needed and Black women should feel entitled to claim their love for luxury as they please, it shouldn’t be seen as the only way to actualize self-care.
“Self-care has been commercialized and we are led to believe that if it’s not luxurious, then it’s not self-care,” she said.
Reed acknowledges how easy it can be to use massages and travel as a substitute for self-love. She advises that these things shouldn’t be seen as a “band-aid to cover up underlying issues.”
There is also the discussion about not embracing rest. Overworking beyond healthy limits is a quick way to go from self-love to self-sabotage.
“One of the ways that women self-sabotage is through limiting beliefs such as “moms don’t get a break” or “successful women don’t take breaks.” Reed said.
Reed insists that self-care can make you a better mom, friend, employee or spouse.