It seems like every other day, the internet is birthing new obscure terms for us to integrate into our daily language. In fact, “nepo baby” was officially added to the dictionary in 2023, showing the true power of the internet and our culture-shaping vernacular.
Amongst many other terms bred from the digital space, “beta male” has been making its rounds lately, finding itself at the center of many podcast topics and social debates. It’s often paired with “alpha male,” its highly valued counterpart. While an alpha male is certainly different than an alpha female, these terms may still be helpful to understand when navigating the scene. So, what does beta male mean? And could you possibly have one on your hands?
What is a Beta Male?
A relatively derogatory term, a beta male refers to a man who falls second tier in the social hierarchy, right behind alpha male. They can be categorized as submissive, naive and overall weak. They can navigate life pretty trepidatiously, avoiding anything that could result in confrontation. Emotional, conflicted and risk-avoidant, beta males aren’t exactly the ones to look to when you want the job done.
Alpha males, in turn, possess a natural charm that enables them to open doors, remain disciplined and conquer their goals. They’re known to be providers, men you feel safe around should anything go down.
It’s important to note that these terms can mean anything we’d like them to given the context. While heteronormative patriarchal standards measure alpha males as more valuable than beta males, that’s also a varied assessment. If an alpha male is someone who is entitled, gaslights and believes in antiquated ideologies relative to women’s progression, that’s probably not the kind of man you’d want around. In turn, if a beta male is someone who is emotionally intuitive, sensitive to their needs and able to make space for others, that doesn’t necessarily seem like a loser.
However, if an alpha male is simply referring to a man with confidence and leadership qualities while a beta male exudes insecurity and lack of identity outside of external validation, the terms hold up. Ultimately, it’s up to you to discern who you have in front of you.
Is There a Beta Male in Your Life?
Whether they’re your partner, your friend, your family member or your colleague, it’s important to know whether or not who you’re dealing with is a beta male. It can provide helpful insight on how to communicate with them and navigate their waning emotions.
Here are some traits to look out for that may be indicative of having a beta male in your life:
- Relies on others to make decisions for him
- Tends to follow rather than lead
- Often the butt of the joke
- Never confronts bullies or stand his ground
- Tends to be taken advantage of
- A people-pleaser unable to say no
- Doesn’t believe in himself
- Makes excuses and is avoidant
- Does not have a personal sense of style or expression
- Easily offended or emotionally reactive
What Should You do?
We all love the men in our lives, and want to see them rise to their fullest potential. If dealing with a beta male has left you stagnant, waiting for a promised version of them that simply won’t emerge, it’s important to consider moving on to honor your own highest potential. However, if there’s more hope you’re willing to invest, here are some ways you can navigate nurturing your beta male into growth:
Instill Confidence
Remind your beta male that they’re valuable as they are, and don’t need to fear standing up for themselves. Because of societal constructs, some men may feel like they need to look a certain way or provide certain things in order to deserve taking up space, but it’s crucial to remind them that their worth is unconditional.
Encourage
We all have hobbies, interests, and passions that light us up, even if we haven’t yet discovered them. Push your beta male towards pursuing their natural born talents, or simply further exploring their interests. You could even enroll in some classes together and make an activity out of their search within.
Go Deep
Sometimes, a lack of backbone can be indicative of some childhood trauma or lack of nurture. If you haven’t yet already, spend some time getting to know their backstory and what their social ecosystem was like during their upbringing. You may learn a lot about which wounds are informing their present-day behaviors, and help them see it for themselves, as well.
Uplift Their Strengths
While we contextually associate being a beta male as a bad thing, that’s only a chosen perspective. There’s a lot to celebrate about the strengths that accompany being a beta male, such as how safe people feel within their judgement-free mindset. Their gentle nature creates a nurturing environment for people to be themselves, plus, they’re collaborative team players.
Beta Males Deserve Unconditional Love
Even after empowering them, it’s likely that no matter what, they will still have relatively submissive traits about them, and that’s okay! The world needs sensitive, cooperative men to keep a balanced environment, and there’s nothing wrong with defying societal norms. It’s important to let them know that no matter what, you love them as they are.