Healthy communication is key to a prosperous relationship. Unfortunately, there’s no specific class on how to communicate with a romantic partner. However, there are a number of self-help books that help guide you to strengthen your partnership through effective communication.
Why Communication Is Important in a Relationship?
The benefits of productively communicating with your partner go far beyond conflict resolution. It helps you build a deeper bond of genuinely understanding each other.
“Effective communication in romantic relationships requires curiosity, integrity, and nuance rather than rigidity, harshness, or all-or-nothing thinking,” race and relationships licensed therapist Domenique Harrison MPH, LMFT, LPCC, told 21Ninety. “Failing to communicate can lead to disappointment, disconnection, distress, and confusion about our partner, ourselves, and the relationship,” according to Harrison.
Being able to effectively communicate is important in a relationship because it serves as the foundation for all decision making. From intimate preferences to family planning and living arrangements, every decision you make as a team stems from your conversations.
“Couples who fail to communicate properly in a relationship often resort to making assumptions to fill in the gaps in conversation,” licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Beverley Andre, LMFT, told 21Ninety.
To prevent fights that only result in fizzled out screaming matches, grab a book on relationships and communication to learn how to navigate your feelings, your partner’s perspective, and the actual root of the argument. Once you’ve read a few books together, you’ll be ready to establish a routine of speaking with your partner for at least 15 minutes a day, per Andre’s advice.
“This small change… signals that the couple is committed to prioritizing their relationship and making time for each other,” the marriage therapist explained.
- Best for Cultivating Conversations: Hold Me Tight
- Best for Guided Resolutions: I Want This to Work
- Best for Understanding Attachment Styles: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment
- Best for Understanding Your Partner’s Perspective: Monsters in Love
- Best to Cultivate Deeper Intimacy: Us: Build a More Loving Relationship
- Best to Progress Past Conflicts: Fight Right
- Best to Understand Companionship: All About Love: New Visions
Best for Cultivating Conversations
Hold Me Tight
“Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson EdD is an Andre recommendation. It’s a seven-step guide through prompts that foster productive conversations around key relationship moments that will inevitably come up. A few of the talking points include keeping the love alive, finding forgiveness when feelings are hurt, and how to approach touchy subjects in your relationship.
Best for Guided Resolutions
I Want This to Work
“I Want This to Work” by Elizabeth Earnshaw details how to navigate challenging moments. The Harrison-suggested book breaks down the process into three parts: conflict, healing, and connection. A few of the chapters offer lessons on creating a safe environment for connection, a five-part relationship system, and growing together.
Best for Understanding Attachment Styles
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment
Andre also recommended reading “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. This book breaks down the science of three attachment styles in romantic relationships: anxious, avoidant, and secure. Plus, it offers advice on how to keep the current love of your life in your life in a healthy way.
Best for Understanding Your Partner’s Perspective
Monsters in Love
Harrison also suggested reading “Monsters in Love” by Resmaa Menakem MSW LICSW SEP to help foster better communication in your relationship. This book helps you figure out how to identify why your partner might be aggravating you at a particular time. And, it offers methods for finding a way out of that aggravation without dismissing your partner’s, or your own emotions.
Best to Cultivate Deeper Intimacy
Us: Build a More Loving Relationship
“Us: Build a More Loving Relationship” by Terrence Real is another Harrison-recommended read that takes a unified approach to improving communication in relationships. This book asks all parties involved in the relationship to develop deeper points of connection. It centers compassion, collaboration, and closeness as key pillars in relationship progression.
Best to Progress Past Conflicts
Fight Right
“Fight Right” by Julie Schwartz Gottman PhD is an Andre recommendation that combats inflated egos in a relationship. Rather than approaching conflict with a winner versus loser mindset, this book asks you to shift that perspective. Instead, you’ll be taught how to deescalate a situation so that you can come together with your partner to find a solution that’s mutually beneficial.
Best to Understand Companionship – Dom
All About Love: New Visions
“All About Love: New Visions” by Bell Hooks is a Harrison-suggested read based on understanding love as a whole. As you go through the pages, you’ll learn more about what creates division in relationships and how to come together in order to love each other past the bedroom.
Our editors love finding you the best products and offers! If you purchase something by clicking on one of the affiliate links on our website, we may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.